


The Ash of Mutanabbi

by MorikoLaurant



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, Manga Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:27:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22572475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorikoLaurant/pseuds/MorikoLaurant
Summary: Eren was digging for something behind the breakwater along the sea. Kruger watched him from high above.
Relationships: Eren Kruger/Eren Yeager
Comments: 5
Kudos: 22





	The Ash of Mutanabbi

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [穆太奈比的骨灰](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22108681) by [MorikoLaurant](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorikoLaurant/pseuds/MorikoLaurant). 



> A translated work of my own. I hope there be more Kruere shippers cos I'm so lonely on the ship (；＿；)

The Ash of Mutanabbī

The wind had stopped. The sand storm that covered his sight before fell down to the ground, like a rising curtain does when the play ends. Eren moved away the hand protecting his eyes, and took another step towards the desert.  
The sky gave a dark cyan colour of the coming dawn, but still hindering more lights behind it, as you may see from a closed curtain. It looked as if the sky itself was glittering. He was heading to the east, seeing a line of dim light around the horizon which stretched from the endless far north, but met an obstacle when it attempted to reach the south: half of its track was hindered by a wall. A peculiar sound penetrated from the other side of the wall with gentle and steady ups and downs, like the breathes of some ancient creature. That was the creature they call the sea; it isn’t. The sea had been there for millenniums, yet they were just aware of its existence really recently.  
Eren had walked for a while, but betrayed no trace of tiredness yet. He raised his head and had a peak at the wall—it was by no means a splendid wall, much shorter than the wall at which he stared everyday during his childhood. The coating of many weathered spots on the wall were peeled off, exposing the bricks and joints inside. No; it was by no means a work from the ancient giant creatures, but an ordinary artificial breakwater. Eren didn’t feel the hatred he felt towards Wall Maria of Shiganshina to this wall, for he knew, only a littler longer of walk, he would be able to climb on the hill to step on it, and came down the stairs to the sea if he wanted. Now and then when they managed to grasp some leisure time during the training, they might come out from the seashore camps towards the wall, sitting on here and talking, enjoying the sensation brought by the fresh salty sea wind.  
But today he was alone. And he had no intention to cross it.  
Eren started to speed down, looking around as if he’s trying to find something. Sometimes he stared at the traces of weathering bricks, sometimes at the sand. Sand is mere sand, looking all the same. But he behaved as if he were reading a book, as if the desert were a map.  
After a short while of observation, he seemed to have made up his mind, and kneeled down on the sand where it looked just all the same as other places. He started to dig the sands with his bare hands. Under the sands there were more sands like cupping water out from the sea. The land gave a pale colour in such a late night. He managed to reach the harder soil very soon, and he kept digging on.  
Eren spent about 20 minutes here, digging, while the line of light in the east became brighter, so was the dim light behind the sky. When it was no longer easy to detect stars, Eren came to hard layer that could hardly be dealt with mere fingers. Sands, soil, gravel, and weathered grass were his only findings, but he still stared at the place, as being certain that tremendous treasures were just under the sand. So he continued. Nails carved into the land, and brought soil out.  
When the line of sky in front of him became a little dazzling, his fingers emitted a few wisps of smoke. But he continued to dig down as if he hadn't noticed.

Eren already felt that he had eyes on him. Since he began to dig, someone had looked at him from above. He had been waiting, waiting for the man to speak to him and maybe ask what he was doing. Maybe the man would ask himself to stop, to not waste the precious titan's power on such trifles, and might order him to return to the came immediately before people became aware of his missing. He waited, but the gaze was silent.  
He looked up. Eren Kruger stood on the breakwater and looked down at him. It's not light yet, and it's too far away, so Eren couldn't see his face clearly from here. But seemed Kruger was still wearing the uniform of Marley military police, hat on my head as usual. Kruger seemed to stoop slightly and look down at him, and also the twenty centimeters wide pit in front of him.  
Eren clawed down another piece of dirt, then raised his face and said, “Why are you standing there?"  
Kruger did not answer, still standing on the top of the high embankment.

"Why do you keep silent?"

A few days later, in the middle of a starry night, Eren came here alone again.  
The last time he left when the sun rose, his fingers smoking. The pit had reached to the point that it was no longer easy to keep digging even if repairing the fingers at the same time. This time it was easy to find the unfinished excavation: he covered it with a cloth before his last leaving, and pressed stones at the four corners of the cloth, so that even if there was some wind or a light rain, it would not fill the hole.  
This time he came prepared. Today he was trained on his titan hardening skills during the day. And he managed to break off a small piece of hard crystal from his hardened fingernail and hid it when people didn't pay attention. Now he brought it here. It was harder than the blade as a digging material. Hold it in the hand, chisel and smash at the soil, even the hardest soil will loosen.  
He was not only digging deep, but also expanding the scope of the excavation. The shape of the hole was not formal yet, but roughly appeared as a crooked rectangle. It's twenty or thirty centimeters wide now. And seemed Eren had not yet decided how long he should dig. The stars looked at him, whispering in a voice that human beings could not understand. The waves were breathing on the other side of the breakwater, like a long sigh.  
There was some people looking at him. Eren could feel the breath of the gaze at his back. He waited for the watcher to speak to him. When Kruger talks to him, the sound has nothing to do with the physical distance, or at least the visual physical distance.He just sounds close, too close maybe, like talking to him just from his brain-- and in fact, that’s it, right? — t's quite annoying to think about , as if all he sees and hears were nothing more than imaginations, mere fantasy, as if the several cubic centimetres of gray ocean wrapped by his skull had already gone ill. But now, nearly two years passed since he first saw a great amount of memories that didn't belong to him flooded into his head, he had learned not to measure himself by the standard people usually judge madness.  
But Kruger didn't talk to him. Kruger didn't get off the wall either.  
Eren looked up and saw Kruger sitting on the edge of the breakwater, staring intently in this direction. The light was too dark now, he could only see Kruger's shape. Judging by the shape of his hat, he was still wearing his meticulous Marley uniform, but Eren could see that Kruger was smoking. There was smoke passing through his fingers and floating into the misty stardust in the sky.

"Hey!"

Eren called to him. It's too far away, and too dark. It’s out of the question to see the change of his expression at all. Eren patted the dirt off his hands. Now the pit was deep enough for his calves to stand in  
“Just come down here."  
Kruger's shadow remained still.

"Why do you keep silent?”  
The third time, the fourth time, Eren always came here with the tools of digging to continue his project. Sometimes he came before noon, sometimes late at night. Sometimes he dug for a long three hours before leaving, sometimes he left in a hurry less than half an hour, but he always remembered to cover the hole to protect it. Its size was now quite impressive, with enough depth for Eren to step in most of his legs, and it's nearly a meter long, still growing.  
Kruger watched him on the breakwater every time he came, but never came down nor said a word to him. Eren didn't know why. No, maybe he knew, but no matter what Kruger thought about what he's doing, he should say it directly instead of being childishly silent like this. Kruger was silent, but he’s always there.  
"Come here, come down here.” said Eren.  
"You know it right? You know what am I digging for. And I know it’s here.” again said Eren.  
"Why do you keep silent?” added Eren.

But not even once had Kruger answered him. Kruger just stood on the high breakwater, looking down quietly at everything, watching Eren digging for his remains.

2.

At the end of the night, the rising sun in the field of vision rose gradually, like a curtain does when the play starts. Kruger pulled the brim of his cap a little lower, and took another step up to the stairs.  
Human being are good at getting numb. No matter how difficult things were at the beginning, you would get used to it after doing them several times, especially when it was a practically easy job. Kruger let the condemned to kneel in front of him and drew out the syringe and the liquid. The man writhed, whined, begged for mercy, wept, his nose being red, his mouth drooling, tears welling down from under the two cloth belts covering his eyes, and mixed with his nose water. He cried like a beast in incoherent and dumb voice. Please, he said, please kill me, I don't wanna become a titan, no, please, no, I beg you, please don't——  
Kruger finished the injection, and kicked him on the back.  
When the prisoner rolled off, Kruger noticed the existence of the boy for the first time. A boy with black hair was kneeling on the sand not far below, digging the sand with his bare hands. Kruger stared at him for a while. The other soldiers should be able to see the boy as well, but no one showed signs of noticing it. Then a heavy light flashed, and the crying prisoner turned into an 8 meter titan, with an ugly drooping face, but at last he did not cry any more. With a perpetual blissed smile, the mindless titan slowly walked towards the north.  
The giant did not betray notice of human breath.  
So, is it a piece of memory? Kruger stooped slightly and looked at the young boy, pretending he were checking the titan. Will there be so young a vessel for the Attack Titan? After all, is the boy the past or the future?  
The boy who dug the cave suddenly raised his head. Kruger felt as if the boy could see him as well.  
“Why are you standing there?"  
He stood high, so that even the 15 meter-level titans could only hold the wall hopelessly, reaching to these human beings they could by no means reach to.  
A shower of meteors made by his own Eldian people appeared. Several people were kicked off the wall at this time. The titan transformation gave out a strong light and a loud noise. And the people high on the breakwater looked down at these monsters, seeing them chasing the poor man who was used as sacrifice of this time along towards the north. After the dust falls, the boy was still standing there, in front of whom was a still small hole.  
"Why do you keep silent?"  
On the top were the Malayans, some of whom were still frightened by the titan transformation and meanwhile glad that they could stand so high; some of whom had long been used to taking the perspective of being so high as a matter of course. There was also Kruger, silent, not knowing why he stood so high. In the words there is wildfire, and the soul haggard, the skull silent in the dark.  
The second time, the third time, every time when Kruger went to Paradise Island for exiling missions, the boy digging the hole was there, and the hole became bigger and deeper each time. Kruger and Gross sat on the edge of the breakwater. Gross burst into laughter and enjoyed the scene that a 3 meter-level titan fought with a living people screaming with fear. The man grabbed a sharp stone and knocked it hard into the giant's eyes. Blood splashed, but the steam rose, and Gross laughed louder; for a moment hope and an incredible ecstasy appeared in the eyes of the fighter, but then fell heavily. Then it’s the screaming, blood and bones that they were all used to seeing.  
The boy was digging the pit right there. He looked up at Kruger.  
"Come here, come down here.” said the boy.  
"You know it right? You know what am I digging for. And I know it’s here.” again said the boy.  
"Why do you keep silent?” added he.  
At the edge of the cliff was only utter silence, engulfing the people who still speak. Look, how terrible is it. No place to stand, nothing, except for the balls rolling under the shadow of the jailers.

But not even once could Kruger answer him. Kruger just stood on the high breakwater, looking down quietly at everything, watching the boy digging his grave.

4.

At the end of the PATHS quietly shines the giant tree, illuminating the endless desert below. Eren looks down at the dark white sand, and remembered that more than a year ago - now almost feels like in last century - he had tried to find Kruger’s remains at where he saw his father eaten him in the memories. Eren slipped out of the coastal camp and dug for a long time at that place, but in the end he found nothing. The memory is clear and unmistakable, but not a single bone appears.  
Maybe in the past few decades the meat of Kruger's had long become some lizard's random dinner, and the insects that sucked his blood had already died; the fragments of clothes had also been decomposed by the sun and rain, the bones weathered and broken, mixed in the sand, and then gone with a certain wind. Except for the Attack Titan which now is passed into Eren's body, the once-existence of Eren Kruger leaves no trace anymore.  
Eren crouches down to check the desert more carefully. Closer, they look like crystal particles, a little bigger than ordinary sand. It is completely silent in the PATHS, but the wind is howling inside Eren's head. The power of the Founding Titan has been activated, and Ymir is watching the tree at the end of PATHS as if she had never seen it before. And Eren can hear everyone talking now. Crying, whining, laughing, cursing, babbling. The ebb and flow of the sea cannot foreshadow the sea of killing. How painful people’s memories are: an eternal desert, and a broken and indecisive eternal queue wandering inside the history.  
And clearer voices too. He can hear his friends, his enemies, and all the people who could name him calling his name. Why, they shout, they sound as if they shout to him from the other end of the desert, voices torn by the wind. Why? Eren, Eren, why do you keep silent?  
Eren gets closer to the sand. He has a feeling, that the voices seem to be emerging from the sand. He picks up a handful of sand, sniffs, and listens.

"I see." His voice is almost inaudible as a whisper, but it is calm. You may even find a small trace of nostalgic yearning, “They are not sands, but ashes... This desert… is you, all of you throughout the two thousand years... "  
Eren, Eren, why do you keep silent?  
"So," he says, looking at Ymir “You're making our new meat out of their bones. So none of us ever died… What dies of us is just the light of life. "  
Eren, Eren, why do you keep silent?

“So,” again, his voices retreat into an inaudible whisper, “so, finally I find you here.”

He raises his head and swallows the small handful of sands.  
The wind is still howling, crying, whining, laughing, cursing and babbling. Eren, Eren, why do you keep silent?

——You may claim, that my blood being restless.  
You may claim, that the throat opens the grave.

End

*The Ash of Mutanabbi: A poem by Adonis. I quote the last stanza at the end but I fail to find a reliable English translation of the poem, so I have to do it myself.


End file.
